Of Kenyans on Twitter

Kenyans are indeed a peculiar lot. And I do not mean in the obnoxious way in which one Sunny Bindra does. And first among the list is Sunny himself especially with his madness and obsession with well…peculiar Kenyans. Just because you write a column on a popular daily that only the elite can relate to does not make you an authority on anything, leave alone our peculiarity. Of course peculiarity is not an excuse for really stupid Kenyans out there, but hey, that’s who we are and you ain’t gonna change us. And before I forget, we will never be Singapore and they can never be us.

Now back to the topic of the day. There is this amorphous group on Twitter called ‘KenyansonTwitter’ or ‘KOT’ or whichever moniker they choose to call themselves. Of course I am on Twitter so that means I am a member – take that in you face y’all tweeps now thinking of dissing me. This group has every Tom whose Dick is Hairy who think they invented Twitter ama Twitter ni ya mama yao. There are those who think if you are new to Twitter you are a lesser being and label you an MKZ immigrant or some other unsavory term you would think when they were born out of a passionate or erotic tweet. And of course they all started on Facebook…

Then we have those who have perfected the art of bootlicking. Just present yourself as an expert in say, nursery rhymes and you get mentions and followers in their droves. And of course everyone with mention you in their tweet hoping for a reply or a retweet. Champion yourself as a social/business/political commentator and quote the Dow Jones or NASDAQ and Larry Madowo (that guy has the most annoying laugh by the way) will invite you for PMlive.  And be sure to be mentioned in every tweet with a new business term or ‘analysis’ lifted from the scripted analysis by some blonde female journalist on TV! And before I forget, I think Aly Khan Satchu has the cleanest bottom (and the greatest mind and a real gentleman methinks) in the whole region. Tweeps just love kissing his behind instead of thinking for themselves.

And there are twitter groupies too. They range from college buddies to corporate groupies in the media and other industries. Small talk and gossip and the like are the order here. Like I usually say, my bread needs buttering so no more on that…

Then there are those stuck up tweeps (like me, I guess) who tweet once in a day and look so serious that other people find inapproachable and hard to follow. We get boring at times as we do not just jump into any trending topic or gossip. But hey, we do that by choice and the last thing I need is anyone telling me how to use my Twitter account.

And did I mention the flirts, the idiots, the show-offs….anyway never mind, it’s 3 minutes to 1 in the morning and I need to sleep….

Rastafari Bless!